Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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