At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
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i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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