morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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