Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I accidentally had phone sex last night
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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