planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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