A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
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You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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