That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
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You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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