Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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