I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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