I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
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I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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