Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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