I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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