she woke up with a sticky ear
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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