I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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