i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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