mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
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i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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