in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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