Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
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We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
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It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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