the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize