I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize