drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
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so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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