But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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