you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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