o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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