Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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