You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
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Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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