What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize