Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
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Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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