i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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