Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
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We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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