this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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