# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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