Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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