Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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