Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hippo gnu deer
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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