I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize