awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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