i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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