dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
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Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
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Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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