His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
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I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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