I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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