Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
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drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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