i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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