I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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