So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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