yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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