He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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