That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize