Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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