you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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